


I'm Healing (english version)

by mayps



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 21:33:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1757551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayps/pseuds/mayps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The healing is never complete, but time makes it become possible. That was a hard lesson to learn.</p><p>Zitao and Yixing were just two guys in love, learning and building a life together. But it is never so simple like that. Sometimes, love can be painful, specially if you live in a conservative dangerous world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Healing (english version)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [I'm Healing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1154643) by [mayps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayps/pseuds/mayps). 



> Hope you like it!

**__ **

**_I'm Healing_ **

 

A boy walked alone by the seaside; the overcast sky masked the scorching sun that was above him. The boy watched as the blue water of the sea become increasingly dark as the storm approached. It was not unusual at this time of year. Soon, the cold drops of rain began to fall on his body, while walking to his destination.

 

Finally, he arrived at the abandoned house that he had spent most of the last few years. He gazed the front door; it has been over a year since he set foot in that house. He noted that there was an empty bench on the porch of the beach house. It’s color, once white, was yellowish now, but it hasn’t lost the beauty of it’s memories.

 

_Two teenagers joining the adult age came running in the house for the umpteenth time that day after climbing the rocks that protected the beach of the violent force of the sea. Both wet by salt water lens that was a few yards away, almost slipping on the stairs leading to the balcony of the place._

_"Tao! You know I don’t run as much as you."_

_"Yah, Xing, stop being so slow! You know you can go faster."_

_Yixing laughed at the younger and sat on the bench that was there on the porch, letting himself relax after the race that happened earlier. Tao sat beside him, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, and with the other hand messing with his hair, making it even messier than before._

_"Why don’t you get your hair right Taozi?" Yixing touched his hair, almost trying to adjusts the best he could, fixing it to his liking._

_Zitao turned to face the older to feel his hands on him, but found his face very close to the other. Yixing noticed the intense look and stared right into his eyes, feeling a shiver pass through his body when he realized their faces so close. He felt his lips becoming dry, causing him to run his tongue over them, realizing that Tao’s gaze fell on to his lips. Yixing started to observe the other’s pink lips, noticing for the first time how his cat shaped lips seemed so charming and sexy. An intense desire to feel them in his own lips graduated within._

_Yixing felt a cold hand touch his neck and a shiver went through his body again, soon felt the warm breath of the other on his face and automatically closed his eyes. They were so close they could distinguish the smell of their skin and the smell of sea water in their hairs, but soon this minimum distance was won and their lips touched. Naturally, Yixing was parting his lips and Tao took this as permission so he introduced his tongue into the other's mouth, exploring that cavity, tasting the mint flavor of the candy that Yixing had in his mouth minutes before._

_They parted slowly, eyes still closed, consciousness returning quickly to both minds. They opened their eyes and both could feel their own hearts rapidly beat. The two started to slowly look at each other with a little strain and the feeling of being ashamed._

_"T-Tao... I'm sorry, I-I..."_

_"No need to apologize... I also wanted and... uh, I-I... "_

_"B-but-"_

_"And now?" They both said, without knowing how it would be from now on._

_Yixing then gathered all the courage he had and gave a kiss on Tao’s cheek. "I liked it... You want to... try again?"_

_Tao smiled at the other and nodded, this time by quickly pulling his hand in Yixing’s neck and giving a peck on his lips. He started to laugh childishly, getting up from the bench, and running along the beach, screaming. "If you want more, you have to catch me!"_

_"Yah, it’s not fair! You run faster than me!" And ran after the taller, laughing while cursed mentally._

 

 

Yixing laughed at the memory, feeling a familiar warm feeling inside, starting to fulfill his body the same way it has been done in the last year. He shook his head slightly, opening the front door seeing the sand and dust were on top of the covers on the furniture of the living room and kitchen.

 

He threw in the room’s floor a heavy backpack that was on his back and walked slowly by, lightly touching the blanket off the couch and throwing them to the ground. Yixing, realized that the couch, though it was old and dirty, it was still as beautiful as before. He laughed, remembering when he and others had to hide an ink spot in the couch when they were painting the beach house a year ago.

 

He automatically started taking all the blankets off the furniture, going to the laundry and picking up several cleaners who were still in the validity to clean up the place. Without thinking why, he did what just felt he should do, cleaning every part of the place, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He returned back to the routine which he once was used to. Hours later, he finally finished, only missing two rooms that still needed to be cleaned.

 

Yixing hesitantly entered one of the rooms. He took the key and unlocked the room that anyone besides him and Zitao had entered before. Finally put the key in the lock and turn it. With a click the door opened, revealing a room, the living room, was all dust and sand; however, it looked like someone had been there recently, messing up the bed and leaving the wardrobe upside down. Yixing smiled when he noticed that all the clothes he and Tao had left were still there, messed up in the wardrobe.  As he approached, watching every clothing that was around and his gaze captured a large towel and his mind has revolved more memories.

 

_The two young adults were lying in a large towel on the sand, watching the moon and the stars , talking quietly , timidly clasped hands resting on the sand between the two boys._

_"Yixing ge?"_

_"Hm, Panda?"_

_"You .. hm, I was thinking... We can... uh..."_

_Yixing turned his whole body to Tao, noticing his face flushed. "Tao, what are you trying to say?"_

_"So gege" Tao sat in the towel, determined. "What do you think of us living together?"_

_Yixing, lying still, looked confused. "Tao, but what-"_

_"I want to live with you, Yixing. We've been dating for three years and could never really get together and... alone... At this very moment my parents are in there, just watching us through the window like stalkers and... well, we already have our part-time jobs and I want to live with you. Soon we'll be out of college and I wish I could stay with you... as much time as we can."_

_Yixing opened his mouth, speechless. That would be a big step in their relationship, but it was not as if they have not already passed most of the time together. But they were never really alone all the time._

_Tao, noticing the silence and hesitation on the other, began. "Ge okay, okay if you don’t want to... I just-"_

_He couldn’t finish the sentence because Yixing’s lips prevented him from continuing. Yixing approached Tao sitting on his lap, unbalancing the taller and causing the two of them to fall in the sand, laughing silly._

_"Don’t be stupid!  I…" Yixing caught the face of the youngest and lightly stroked his cheeks "I want to live with you." He gave genuine smile to his boyfriend. "But where would we live?"_

_"Right here at the beach house. It will be our home."_

 

 

Yixing came back to reality and looked around. Everything in that room was characteristic of Tao; he remembered everything, like their happiest moments. The wardrobe was full of Gucci and Calvin Klein, both of the two‘s favorite brands. A double bed with sheets disheveled and dusty with the pillow still had a mild form when the two bodies were lying there. Yixing didn’t bother with the dusty bed and just lay down.

 

_The smell of wine spread through the house in one of the few nights that they could stay alone on few months of dating, and can finally feel free from the gaze of others. The ambient were already uncomfortable for the two boys who felt their bodies hot and agitated despite only having half-drunk glass of wine._

_The upbeat song that played did not help calm them both and they started dancing, their bodies touching provocatively, hands strolling through the exposed skin until there was little distance between the two bodies had been extinguished and a rough kiss began, rushed, with Tao taking them to the room to make it more comfortable._

_The room seemed even hotter than the living room and the clothes of the two just got in the way of their hands. They wanted skin to skin, wanted to feel the heat emanating from one another, wishing to could touch the each other’s body without restrictions or impediments._

_Zitao closed the door without letting the other get away , but soon felt himself pressed against the wall, the oldest smelling his peach skin, attacking his lips and his hands going under his shirt, touching his athletic abdomen . He wasted no time and did the same with Yixing, touching the white skin of his defined abdomen. He kissed his lips, his neck, nibbled his ear, feeling the older shiver in pleasure while he teased him in a point so sensitive._

_In a few minutes both were already naked in bed, feeling their bodies quiver with every touch, every kiss. Both boys felt at that moment the depth of their relationship grow, and the feelings of both grow to the level where they could no longer get away, even after the climax. In the morning, none of them wanted to get out and turn the dream that  they experienced in the sad reality that they lived of not being able to be together like that every night, or waking up in each other's arms every morning. But they were still together, and at the end of that weekend, when they both said "I love you" in unison and saw the sincerity in each other’s eyes, they knew they would be together until the end._

 

 

Yixing turned in bed and his eyes fell on an old photo album on a shelf on the wall. He got up quickly and opened it, flipping through each page and giving greater attention to pictures that were defining moments. He let his eyes fall upon a picture that marked the day of their first fight and smiled.

 

 

_It was the first weekend after the start of classes in college and Tao had arranged to go out with some colleagues for fun and as the newest Canadian friend said they needed “to bond". Yixing not bothered with it at all, because he trusted Zitao._

_Luhan, Yixing’s best friend, called him out that night, asking if he wanted to drink and celebrate his promotion in the company that he worked. They ended up in the same bar that Tao was in. It didn’t take long to Yixing realize that there was an uproar in the dance floor. So, curious, he went to the dance floor and saw Tao dancing inappropriately with his Canadian friend._

_The Canadian, very tall, blond, was behind Tao and had his hands on Tao’s waist, who was visibly drunk and both were dancing sensually to the music he played. The blonde quickly turned Tao, that relied on his shoulders to keep from falling, an act which the highest took advantage to take the smaller strongly in his arms and steal a kiss on his lips._

_Yixing got furious at the action and without thinking he went to the two and punched the tall blond who took advantage of Tao and hold his boyfriend's waist._

_"Hey, who do you think you are?" The Canadian asked stroking his own face._

_"I'm his boyfriend, you asshole. Who do you think you are to take advantage of someone who’s drunk?" Yixing's face was red with anger. He left the dance floor with Tao supporting himself on his boyfriends shoulders._

_"Yixing gege? I’m soooo dizzy that all seems too funhjn-smfv-cnm-"_

_"Shh Tao, let's go. I'll get you out of here." Yixing passed by Luhan and said that he was going home, he needed to take care of his boyfriend. They went through the door and Yixing put Tao inside the car._

_"Gege is mad at me? Sowri, I d-did not know-"_

_"Tao, we’ll talk later."  He said coldly. Tao felt his eyes sting and was soon pouring into tears._

_"Gege’s... m-mad at me, It’s m-my fault" Tao repeated several times on the way to his parents’ house._

_Yixing parked in front of the house and looked at Zitao, who looked extremely down. He felt heartbroken to see him like that, but couldn’t get the image of him and the blond kissing out of his head. Tao got up and walked to the house, sobbing, going to his room, feeling as if his life was nothing when he saw the disappointment on Yixing’s eyes._

_But the other, inside the car, blamed himself for making the other cry, after all, he had seen the whole scene, he knew the blonde had taken advantage of Tao, but his jealousy had taken over him at the time and only now with a calm mood he could think normally. Then he came out of the car and knocked on the door, willing to talk things right with Tao._

 

 

Yixing laughed at the memory of that day, who knew that a few weeks later this Canadian blonde named Kris would be the newest boyfriend of Luhan and the four would become best friends. A vibration in his pocket took him from his thoughts.

 

"Yixing-ah?"

 

"Um, hello Luhan"

 

"Where are you?"

 

"At the beach house..."

 

The silence was present on the phone line for a few seconds.

 

"Are you okay?" Luhan said visibly worried.

 

"I'm... It’s just... There are many memories Han... It’s like he’s here by my side.”  Yixing shivered to think about the possibility. The presence of Tao was almost palpable, especially in that room. "But... He is not."

 

Luhan sighed. "You want me to come over? It's getting late."

 

"No need to Han... I'll spend the night here. How is-"

 

"Do not worry about it, he’s in the living room watching TV."

 

"Okay, good, take good care of him... I'm off until tomorrow Han."

 

"Xing, are you really all right?"

 

Yixing smiled; he knew how Luhan could be overprotective when he wanted. "I am. Go have fun watching TV too." Luhan was not convinced, but would not disturb more and said goodbye to his best friend.

 

At the beach house, Yixing returned the album to the shelf where it was and then again began to clean the room. It was nearly nine o'clock when he finished and took the sheets to the laundry. He came back to the living room and sat on the couch. He looked around, remembering how they turned an old house into a home.

 

_There was only one room left to finish all preparations at the beach house. After the incident spot on the couch, Yixing and Tao decided to bring the furniture only after paint all the walls, then as soon as the wall was painted light blue, Tao, Luhan and Kris began to assemble the furniture. Yixing organized everything, leaving the room tidy and spacious._

_"You see how it will look your room, Yitao? It's beautiful, isn’t it?" The little boy of five years smiled and nodded._

_They spent the day cleaning the house, but the smell of fresh paint too bothered them to spend the night there. Tao and Yixing asked that Kris and Luhan could look after Yitao for that night, the couple wanted some time to themselves and since the boy came home a few months before, they couldn’t have a good time alone._

_The couple took a shower, changed clothes and packed a small backpack for Yitao who would sleep at his uncles’ home. Yixing and Tao said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek of the little boy and then went out to dinner at a restaurant nearby the beach, celebrating their new home. Hours later, they were both walking along the coast, it was late at night and there was no one in sight._

_"You know Yixing ge... I never thought I'd get here."_

_Yixing raised an eyebrow. "How so?" He asked confused._

_"Me, you... Yitao. Did you ever think we'd be a family so soon?"_

_Smiling, Yixing held Tao’s hand. "No, I never thought. But I don’t regret anything. Yitao was the best thing we've got since we decided to move in together."_

_Tao laughed. "So... I think it's okay to do so." Tao took a simple gold ring that was inside the pocket in his pants. Yixing watched curious and anxious. "You know Xingie... We've been together for a long time, I know that homosexual marriage is not allowed in China, but... Will you marry me? Even if not on paper, I want this ring to represent our commitment of being one another forever. So? Would you be mine forever?" Tao was nervous, Yixing said anything yet and he was afraid that the other thought it was still early._

_"Tao... I... did not expect... I..." Yixing could not answer properly, then he just kissed the other with all the joy and passion he felt.  He was overflowing happiness. They both smiled at each other and then Tao put the ring on the left ring finger of Yixing, and the older did the same with him. Again they joined hands and continued to walk down the neighborhood. They were far from the beach house and then decided to return._

_The street was dark and the way was dangerous, but the couple did not care, they were too happy and all they wanted was to get home and love each other, but not everything went as planned. As they turned the corner on a street halfway home, were trapped by a group of masked men._

_"Look... Two faggots..." a guy looking as their leader said. "They love to give their asses, right?" the others laughed._

_Tao went into defense mode, putting Yixing behind him. "What do you want?" Tao said firmly, challenging them._

_"We want to take everything you have. Pass everything to us faggots, money, cellphone, car keys, everything."_

_"We have nothing like that" Yixing said before Tao._

_"We know you have, we’ve seen you leaving the restaurant, now give me everything! Or do we have to force you? It will not be pleasant..."_

_"We will give nothing to you, jerk, why don’t you torment the whorehouse where you were born?" Tao said furious._

_"You silly boy. You get him... I'll take the other one... He knows how to be submissive, right?" The leader said approaching Yixing while the others tried to attack Tao, but he dodged and responded quickly due to the practice of wushu. Tao turned to the leader and saw he was holding Yixing tightly by the neck and the boy was already red, fighting, trying to breath for air, trying to defend himself, but the other was too strong._

_Tao then forgot the others and went to the leader, elbowing him on face, punching him in the back and abdomen. Yixing was loose and leaned against the wall, holding on and trying to breathe normally while Tao was fighting. So, a gunshot was heard._

_From there everything happened too fast. A bloody body fell to the floor while nearby a siren was heard. The gang no more were seen and only Yixing and Tao remained on that corner. Yixing run to Tao’s body, lying on the cold floor. He was not able to say goodbye, or hear the voice of his beloved one last time._

_Yixing put Tao’s head in his lap as the pain in his heart spread through his whole body and soul. A cry of desperation and pain was muffled by the sound of the siren that was now in front of him. The cops tried to get him loose to the body but Yixing was holding onto him strongly, until the pain was too much than he could bear, and everything fade away._

 

Yixing, sitting on the sofa, was crying silently, remembering every detail of the worst night of his life. The emptiness that remained in his heart after Tao’s death was still there, a hole that would never be fully completed.

 

The doorbell rang, Yixing jumped on the couch, surprised, after all, he was not expecting anyone. He rose hesitantly of the sofa and walked to the door opening and seeing Yitao in Luhan's arms.

 

"Hey"

 

"I said you didn’t need to come, Han."

 

"I know, but this little boy was missing his daddy."

 

Yitao rubbed his eyes and then raised his arms to Yixing, asking his daddy to pick him.

 

"You should be sleeping, Yitao."

 

"I know, but I had a dream... with daddy Tao."

 

Yixing gasped; Yitao never dreamed of Tao. Actually, Yitao never dreamed at all. "W-What?"

 

Yitao yawned and hugged Yixing by his neck. He spoke slowly so that the bigger would listen well.

 

"Daddy Tao said he loves me and loves daddy Xingie very much. And he will always be with us. Like he's now. Right, daddy Tao?" The boy said, looking at the window at the balcony and smiling.

 

Yixing and Luhan felt chills as they realize Yitao was talking like Tao was there. They both looked to where the little boy stared, but didn’t see anything on the balcony. With his heart racing, Yixing felt in the breeze from the beach the smell of peach, so characteristic of Zitao. Yixing felt the presence of the others everywhere in that house, a warm presence, caring and family, and then he smiled.

 

Luhan observed the reaction of Yixing and smiled at him when he smelled the breeze. It was as if this an end to that suffering that Yixing spent during that year.

 

With the adopted son still in his arms, Yixing went to the balcony, followed by Luhan . The three sat on the bench that was there and Yixing put Yitao on the ground and the boy ran to the sand, picking up some object that was there. Yixing, worried, ran to the boy and saw that he was holding a small stuffed panda bear, slightly dirty with sand.

 

"Yitao, where did you get that?"

 

"Daddy Tao left for me! Then he disappeared" the boy said quietly and then went back to the balcony, showing uncle Luhan his newest toy.

 

Yixing looked at the place where the boy was and noticed a small golden glow on the sand. He bent down and picked it up, realizing it was that same ring that was on his left ring finger. How he had gotten there he did not know, after all, he never took off the ring that was on Tao’s hand, he was buried with it.

 

Yixing looked where Luhan and his son were, both laughing while the older tickled the little boy. He felt a relief on his shoulders. Finally felt he could move on. He felt he was ready to live his life without Tao. He knew it would not be easy, much less would be fast to move on, but with the help of Yitao and his friends, that hole in his heart every day would be less painful. The night breeze once again brought the smell of peach, wrapping him in a feeling of love and affection. Yixing returned to where the other two were with a silly grin on his face.

 

"Why are you smiling so much Xing?" Luhan said, wondering at the sudden good mood of his best friend.

 

"Because I’m healing, Han." Yixing said as he watched his son play with the stuffed panda.

 

Then they both smiled, understanding what it meant.

 

The healing is never complete, but time makes it become possible.

 

After all, life goes on, and we must live it.


End file.
